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Hi, I'm Icarus!

9/9/05 07:31 pm

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You don't know what you're missing ;)
haha.. okay, NOT MUCH
but still, if you want to read the goods, you gotta be my friend.
so comment, comment, comment.

9/9/05 10:25 am - back @ mac.

My first day back at school was... interesting.
At 7 am I promptly stumbled my ass out of bed, and into the kitchen where I made some sloppy instant coffee. It was good. After gulping a few cups down, I noticed the weather wasn't looking good. So for some reason I decide to wear my favourite shoes and a white t-shirt??
The second I step off the bus and onto McMAster soil, GUESS who the first face I see is?
Well, I panicked. Completely. I know he saw me, and I RAN. I bolted all the way to MDCL.
My running like a maniac caused me to get mud all over the back of my shirt.

So it was now time for class number one.
Seems okay. History something or other. Some pre-confederation junk. Doesn't seem too bad, except for when I discover that the ENTIRE class grade is based on TWO things. 40% for one essay, 60% for one exam. *gulp*, that doesn't give you much leeway. I HAVE to write one hell of an essay, and I HAVE to study for this exam, when the time comes.


So my wet, cold, creeped out and middy ass decided to go home for my 2 hour break betwee classes. I still hadn't seen any of my friends at all. So I go home, thinking maybe Owen will call. No dice. So I just change and go to Tim Hortons for a bagel and go on back to school. (I still have no food here. I can't afford it. I spent all my money on bullshit, and now I can't afford to eat. Not until like.. Octoberish. I have GOT to be frugal.

Anyway, back at school I go to Oullette's English: Modern Countercultures class. The guy's introductory lecture gave me GOOSEBUMPS. I can tell I'm going to have a VERY good time in this class. AND AND AND... NO TUTORIALS!!! ISN'T THAT AMAZING?!?!
Howcome I never heard of Oullette before??
He's great. I think he's my new favourite prof.
But I will always have love in my heart for Pangioutou (or however you spell his crazy last name!)

I had to wait in a 20 minute lineup at the bookstore so I could buy the rest of my books. It was glorious.
Then I went to my last class. Twentieth Century British Literature. And the prof had Laryngitis so everyone went home. Including me.
well, the psychic said that school was going to go better than I thought this year. Let's hope she's right.

A List Of People Lindsay Ran Into On Her First Day That She Wishes Were Dead:

-Religious Player: This guy's name is Brian, and he got me hooked on this book by Lewis Carrol called.. the something Letters... Anyway, he bummed cigarettes off me every Wednesday, and he ALWAYS said to me "If you were Baptist, I might consider dating you", just assuming that I would ever date him, which I wouldn't. He's BAPTIST!

-Greaseball: This dumb frat boy loser with one of those "I bought this hat yesterday but it looks like I've had it since birth" hats. And he runs around being a pompous arrogant jerk, and in every class he has with me, he always gave all these guys at the back high fives. They were the biggest losers ever. And his hair is big and curly and Greasy.
Does Greaseball have a twin? Because there was another one (in a different outfit) in British Lit. hmmmmm.

-Metrosexual: This guy had Sociology with me, and we shared a tutorial. On the first day, he talked about his Grandma A LOT. Like it creeped a lot of people out, I saw their faces! And I was CONVINCED he was gay (a la Jeff Corrin) but he got a girlfriend! And I saw them getting pretty hot and heavy on the bus one time. So I guess he's a Metro. BUT... his relationship with his grandmother is still creepy, no matter what his sexual preference.

-Calan Gold: The only person I saw all day that I actually enjoy running into. Where was everyone else? :( Well, Calan and I had a chat outside of BSB, it was good.

-HOTTIE FROM PHILOSOPHICAL TEXTS: ohmygodohmygodohmygod this guy was soooo dreamy last year. He has that Sam Roberts hair going on, and he never talks, but you can tell he's really deep. His eyes are SO gorgeous. LAst year every time I was in my philosophy tutorial (and in lectures, when I could see him) I just gazed at his beauty. Well, his beauty and my TA's beauty. BUT BUT BUT, the philosophy hottie got about 4x hotter! NOT KIDDING! *drools*

And that was my first day back!!!

9/7/05 05:11 pm - don't look back into the sun!

Nobody comments in my journal anymore.
At one point I was popular.
Those were the days.

So I just went to the "sunshine Centre" (haha..) to get all my laundry done. $30 later, I have clean clothes top start the first week of school with. Which is good, because no one wants to be the dirty kid in class ;)
I have been talking to Owen a lot less lately.. makes me sad. I don't know if he still misses me as much anymore. To be honest, I'm getting used to not having him around... but I still wish he was here more than anything in the world.

But my boyfriend is in prison.

On a lighter note, I spent the day with Daddsy yesterday.  We went to our co-inciding doctors appointments, but we were there an HOUR early because we thought our appointments were at 10, but they were really at 11.  So we got to talking.  Remember how I told you guys that my dad disowned me after I started dating Owen?  He's warming up to me again.  We had some good conversations.  I love my father so much...
He bought me this book "canadian history for dummies", I've been reading it NON STOP!
I coud pull a lot of "Did you know..."'s right now, but I won't bore you with that junk.
We also had dinner at Mexicali Rosa's, which was delish.  Gorditas and Enchiladas, yum yum yum.
I came home to discover that I had missed 20 phone calls from Owen, then I didn't hear from him at all until this morning.  So we went through our first day without any communication.  I lived.

School starts tomorrow... *sobs*
I applied for a BUNCH of jobs online last night...
Somebody hire me.  FECK!

I also printed out 20 resumes, but I don't see myself going out there and handing them out... :/
I'll take my chances with the net.

9/5/05 10:03 pm - tonight we are serving our finest lobster.

Ugh, what a miserable day.
Not much got done at all, nothing compared to what SHOULD have gotten done.
I have to get my laundry done, have to go to Shoppers and get FEMININE NECESSITIES, have to get a money order made up for the cable guy next week...
so much to do.

Owen is getting taken to Kingston tomorrow, so I visited him for the last time tonight. :/ It kinda sucks being inches away from your boyfriend and not even be able to touch him, and have to communicate through a phone. whatever. Anyway, so I won't even get to talk to him on the phone for a few days. Not until after school starts.
That's another thing. School. UGH!

Everybody thinks it is a BAD idea that Jamie's spending so much time here, and practically moving all her shit in.
So I have to.. put a stop to that as well.
Nevermind the fact that having her here isn't exactly HELPFUL!

I ave a doctor's appointment tomorrow...
So much shit to do.
I also have to go job hunting...
I have thick ankles

As you can see...
I'm not going anywhere with this.

9/4/05 04:18 pm


I'm going to make this place more my styyyyyyyyyyle.

This is what I bought today:

A print of a French Burlesque house poster from 1920.  From my wonderful homosexual friends at the Red Raven antique shop...

This bookshelf (from the Red Raven as well, I fucking love that place) is from the 70's!  geeeesh!!!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
This is a tea cart from.. I forget. But it's old, and brass, and tres chic. It doesn't belong in a bathroom at all, but I fucking love it there. Fucking right.

feels warmer already.

9/4/05 01:45 pm - fun stuff.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4:

The word "corporation" is cold, impersonal and subject to misundertstanding and mistrust

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:

Calgon Nourishing body Butter

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:

I haven't watched TV in 2 months.  I watched Hotel Rwanda last night, though

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:


5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:


6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:

The fan behind me, and the dreamcatcher hitting the window.

7: When did you last step outside?

Yesterday around 7 pm, to fetch some drinks for Ian and I 

8: before you came to this website, what did you look at?:

I went to see if my schedule had been finalized yet, no such luck.

9: what are you wearing?:

My underwear and a T-shirt

10: Did you dream last night? 

Yes, about prostitutes 

11: When did you last laugh?

Last night when Ian was telling me insane stories about his crazy uncle with bi-polar

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:

Nothing, which is a situation I will have to rectify when I get to Red Raven later.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:

I seen something but I can't say it because... I don't want to be an accessory.  :D 

14: What do you think of this quiz?:

not much, but when you're bored you're bored. 

15: What is the last film you saw?:

Hotel Rwanda.. again

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:

A bookshelf.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:

I played the angel in a Christmas play in 4th grade, the same week I was caught writing "cocksucker" in one of those "make your own crossword" things.. haha 

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:

Kill some people who really deserved it.

19: Do you like to dance?:

absolutely not.

20: George Bush

= prick.   

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:

Avery or Marin

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:

Colin or Kato

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:

OH YES.  England or New Zealand, maybe Venezuela, or Italy... *sigh*


Bold all that Applies, italicize the ones you wish were true.

01. I love looking at the moon.
02. I'm single.
03. I'm nonsensical.
04. When I'm by myself, I often scream/sing/talk in crazy voices.
05. I wish I could go to school just for fun.
06. When I'm in the shower, I form possible thesis statements for future papers.
07. I hate when people type in all caps online.
08. I wish I could be an artist.
09. I try not to cry in front of people.
10. I have one younger sister.
11. I haven' t had a good conversation on MSN/AIM in years.
12. I like people who make me laugh. Who doesn't?
13. I strive to be a vegetarian.
14. I miss Herr Lelko.
15. I am addicted to reading.
16. I think dorky boys are hot.
17. I know how to do the Macarena.
18. I adore Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
19. Sarcasm is my friend.
20. I want to try opium.
21. I want to travel more.
22. Sometimes I understand math...sometimes I don't.
23. I have a great relationship with my mom.
24. I've never done a list like this.
25. I procrastinate.
26. I like thrift stores.
27. I love sleeping naked.
28. I'm a weird person.
29. I wish I spent more time with my friends.
30. I want to accomplish more of the goals I've set for myself.
31. I love new bed sheets.
32. I write terribly boring livejournals.
33. I wish I had a job I loved.
34. I need to work out more.
35. I love waking up early and going to bed late.
36. When I die, I want to be buried on the moon. .....????
37. I'd also like to finish school too.
38. I would love to run my own restaurant.
39. My parents are married.
40. I love making people happy.
41. I need to stand in front of the Great Pyramids before I die.
42. I want to study overseas.
43. I don't mind getting shots.
44. I like to sleep.
45. If George W. Bush is elected president in 2004, I don't think I will be able to handle it.
46. I feel as though few people understand me.
47. I spend way too much time thinking.
48. I wish I had people to dance with.
49. I often feel like a clueless, naive person.
50. I'm insane.
51. I sleep in the fetal position.
52. I've never had a job at Target.
53. I want to own an apartment in NYC.
54. I love having people read to me.
55. I love being in the Flower Club.
56. I want to be cremated.
57. I am not a good musician, but wish I was.
58. I enjoy talking in front of large groups of people.
59. I don't like the President.
60. I've been to Germany.
61. I would like to be a marine biologist.
62. I saw a UFO once.
63. I never wish I could turn my mind off.
64. I love being creative.
65. I would like to be fluent in another language.
66. I love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
67. I've never told anyone all of my secrets.
68. I hate it when people around me are sad.
69. One can never have too many picture frames.
70. I sing, but not well.
71. I LOVE the rain.
72. I wish I had better grammar.
73. I wish I owned more pictures.
74. I love WINE.
75. I wish I was a real English Lady.
76. I wish I could paint.
77. I like to read.
78. I can go to a bookstore and be there for hours.
79. I might never get married.
80. I like massages.
81. I hope there is contact between humanity and extraterrestrials before I die.
82. Ben and Jerry's ice cream is the best.
83. I think know I think too much.
84. I am in love with my friends.
85. I love learning new things.
86. I like to sleep under a bunch of blankets.
87. I will love my room.
88. While I've had some close calls, I've never met anyone who really reminds me of me.
89. I wish more people paid attention to the news. And I wish I paid better attention to the news.
90. I was a waitress and it was the worst year of my life.
91. I wish I could live in my own house.
92. I wish I was Irish.
93. I wish I could spend my entire life traveling.
94. I like old buildings.
95. I think hating someone based on their gender, ethnicity, or sexual preference is stupid.
96. I love the night sky!!!
97. pretend to be confident.
98. I have lots of regrets, and never believe people who tell me they have none.
99. I don't want any children.
100. I love my hair.

9/4/05 01:34 pm

I just woke up and it's 1:30 in the afternoon.
So today I am planning on buying groceries, and going to my parents' house to pick up some of my shit. I want Ashta's letters here, and my books and stuff. I wish I had a bookshelf here. Urgh...
The grocery list consists of:
-those quaker mini rice cake things, caramel flavour
-cold cuts (ham epecially)
-swiss cheese
-bagged salad
-more michelena's frozen comfort food.

That's all I can think of so far.
And I also gotta boot over to liquidation world and pick up one of those see-through shelvy drawer things, made of plastic, for the bathroom.
AND AND AND, the antique store around the corner has this BEAUTIFUL piece of art, I MUST have it. It's a 1920's Burlesque house Ad, a poster. The lady on it is half naked and standing next to a lion, I MUST have it. I must. Maybe someone can generously provide me with a bookshelf. That'd be super. I need a bookshelf something awful....


9/3/05 11:36 pm - i see it in your eyes, you'll be alright.

If I could just copmpase myself, I would radiate just the right amount of coooool, and heat, so you would never know how i tremble to touch you....

I think I have made some serious progress in the "living alone" department.
Many people spend months, even YEARS preparing a happy little home for themselves.  A bed they love waking up in, a coffee machine that is timed so it's hot and ready as soon as you wake up, and a couch to clip their toenails on, apply lotion and watch whatever the hell they want to on TV.
So howcome I am spending so much time and energy hating my solitude?
It's as if Owen came into my life, swept me off my feet into never never land, and then he left and I'm scared shitless of who I am going to be without him.
I know that sounded romantic, but it wasn't supposed to.
Fuck it, I can leave my wet towels on the floor.  I can leave my blow dryer plugged in and have copies of Vogue laying around all over the place.
Because this is my home.
Fucking right.

Instead of hating the silence, I have to embrace it.  This has become key.  Time alone to think and reflect is ESSENTIAL.
He is going to propose to me when he comes home again.


So, in the spirit of loving living alone, I am making a happy little comparison between MY apartment, and my Idol, Carrie BRadshaw;s apartment.



9/3/05 04:19 pm - what if you should decide that you don't want me there by your side?

Jamie and I got into an enormous fight last night.
Because of some fucking guy.
She brought him back to my apartment and fuckingsat in the bedroom on the phone while these 2 guys sat in my livingroom, she was being totally rude
And she actually thought that I was flirting with this guy all night long (when all I was doing was trying to hook them up)
And then she started calling me a cunt and screaming and shit
And yeah. 
I'm not amused.
To say the least.

I'm going to visit Owen tonight, probably the last time I will get to see his face before he is shipped off to Kingston for however long. 
I have to clean this place, and do a shitload of dishes..

Bobbi was totally right, I am such a giver-inner.

Why do I always let myself get trashed and walked all over by EVERYONE...
Fuck, the jig is up
I'm no tough guy.

Here are a couple of pictures from last night, anyway:


Nothing too exciting happening around here

9/2/05 05:20 pm - ooootay...

After re-organizing just about EVERYTHING...
This SHOULD be my schedule for first term, however my changes haven't been made definate yet because my Course Timetable needs to be changed on MUGSI... which should be done before school starts....

*9:30-10:20 History 2T03 T10. KTH/103

11:30-12:20 English 2J03 MDCL/1305

12:30-1:20 English 2MM3 MDCL/1110

2:30-3:20 History 1A03 BSB/147

10:30-11:20 History 2T03 JHE/264

1:30-2:20 English 2MM3 MDCL/1110

2:30-3:20 English 2E03 BSB/137

11:30-12:20 English 2J03 MDCL/1305

*12:30-1:20 History 1A03 T04. TSH/B107

2:30-3:20 History 1A03 BSB/147

9:30-10:20 History 2T03 JHE/264

12:30-1:20 English 2MM3 MDCL/1110

*1:30-2:20 English 2J03 T50. KTH/103

2:30-3:20 English 2E03 BSB/137

2:30-3:20 English 2E03 BSB/137

PLEEEEEEASE let this be right...
I'm not assigned tutorials for 2 fucking classes...
this is ridiculous.
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